recipe: not-really-pad-thai

readers, i am getting lazy already. this was last night's dinner - for some reason, i always imagined pad thai to be out of a white man's reach. it's not. it's very easy to make. if you don't have any nice lao sausages to render the fat out of, just use coconut oil. or, hell, canola oil. but coconut is a lot better.

tamarind paste:
a hunk of tamarind pulp the size of a key lime
3T water

break up the pulp a bit in a bowl with the water. let sit for fifteen minutes, then methodically reduce to a paste with your fingers. throw out all the seedpod and fiber bits.

sauce:
3T sugar
1T kecip manis (you could just use another T of sugar, but your finished dish will look a little wan)
4T fish sauce
2T tamarind paste

heat the sugar, kecip manis, and fish sauce until the sugar is melted. when cool, add the paste.

assembly:
a large handful of pad thai noodles (they're a pretty specific size of rice noodle)
2 little lao sausages, removed from their casings and crumbled
1T coconut oil (or about 2T if you don't use any sausage)
1 small onion, or a handful of shallots, diced
some bean sprouts (a handful?)
a few mustard green stems-and-leaves, separated and chopped
2 eggs

start some water for the noodles. when it's boiling, they'll take about five minutes to cook. meanwhile, heat the oil in your wok until medium-hot. add the sausages and render all the fat out of them. should take about ten minutes. if they stick too much, add a bit of water or stock. once the oil is rendered and they're nicely browned, remove the meat and all but about a tablespoon and a half of oil (save the leftover oil, it's pretty tasty). throw your onion (or shallots), mustard stems, and bean sprouts into the wok, and stir-fry for a few minutes. when they're pleasantly brown (your noodles have to be cooked by now), crack your eggs into the wok and scramble for a few seconds. add your mustard greens, toss in the noodles and do your best to amalgamate them with everything else. i still have trouble with that part. finally, add your sauce and cook for maybe another thirty seconds.

finish:
ground peanuts
lime quarters
bean sprouts
sriracha
those little rendered sausage bits you saved, if you used sausage

serve your faux pad thai with all of those things available as toppings.

serves two, but you'll eat more of it than you expect. probably no leftovers